Acknowledging success and all that comes with it

I received great news last week: an excerpt from my memoir-in-the-form-of-a-glossary was selected as the winner of the 2022 AWP Kurt Brown Prize in Creative Nonfiction. 

“Keep this under wraps until we announce this formally on our website and social media next week,” the email said - which gave me plenty of time to sit with the news and (over)think about my feelings.

In addition to sharing my good news, I wanted to share a bit about the process – and the processing – of getting here.

The good emotions

Pride/Satisfaction: I did it! I’m proud of myself for submitting to the opportunity, and of course I’m even happier there was a positive outcome.

As my business coach Dallas Travers says, we can't build on the successes we don't acknowledge. I want to acknowledge this success for my writer-self and for you writers too: I saw an opportunity, I used the deadline to motivate myself*, I submitted my work. This in and of itself is an achievement! Submitting is hard and scary, but we all know that we do not get 100% of the opportunities we don’t apply for. There is no reward (even if the success rate is low) without submission. (I’ve written about my submission/rejection stats before by way of example, and so far in 2022 I’m at 24 submissions, 8 rejections, 4 acceptances, 2 withdrawals, so clearly rejection is the only thing that’s guaranteed along the way to success!) 

*I’ll write about the relationship between deadlines, motivation, and investment next week. 

The bad

I almost couldn’t believe the email congratulating me on winning. I waited a bit to tell my husband. I was sure a follow-up email saying “Whoops! We made a mistake and accidentally sent you the acceptance meant for someone else!” was on its way. I didn’t want to tell my husband about this achievement only to have to tell him it was an error. 

Hello, impostor syndrome: an “inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills,” according to Google’s Oxford Language Dictionary.

Though typically associated with high- or over-achievers, impostor syndrome affects those who care deeply about their work and who place high expectations on themselves. Sound familiar? Welcome to the club! Misery loves company!

But seriously: feelings are not facts. Just because I feel inadequate doesn’t mean I am inadequate (in fact, all evidence points to the opposite). This is how I – and you – can reframe negative thinking.

The ugly

What’s worse than impostor syndrome? How about guilt?: do I deserve this? How about shame?: bragging is bad; feeling validated by being chosen is bad.

I was really conflicted about sharing this news. Of course I feel validated as a writer because I was chosen! But I don’t think that feeling is the right one. I DON’T think being “chosen” (you can also interpret this as being selected by an agent or a publisher) is validation. Being “chosen” is completely outside of our control as it is dependent on many subjective factors, such as luck, timing, market conditions, and the “chooser’s” attitude at the moment. What is within our control is our own learning of craft, dedication, hard work, and willingness to put ourselves out there.

This award is proof that the destination is the journey. I wouldn’t have won if I didn’t put in (years of) hard, deep work on this piece and if I didn’t use the deadline and the prize as a motivational tool to get me to finish the thing (more on this next week). 

What success can you acknowledge so that you can build on it? Let me know so I can acknowledge you!