The subtle art of giving yourself permission

I’ve been thinking a lot about permission recently. 

As in, “What do I need to be able to do X?”

I wanted to do something special for myself as I turn 50. It feels like a big milestone – not only because it’s a big, round number, but also because I’m definitely in the second half of life, and also because I surpassed the age my father was when he died, and that feels weird. I feel like I threaded a needle and now there is a lot of wide open space in front of me. So I thought about what would be the most ideal situation, and I found I wanted to be by myself with only my writing… while having my meals prepared for me. I added in a few other constraints (budget, timing, location), but it meant I would be absent for Thanksgiving. So that was a conversation with my husband that needed to happen: how might we make this work? (We’re having Alternate Thanksgiving the Saturday after — a generous compromise on his part!)

What I needed, after figuring out what I wanted, was to give myself permission to do it. Permission to change course. Permission to take a break from responsibility. Permission to try again and again and again, without a return on investment. Permission to want something for myself.

I see “waiting for permission” in the writers I work with too. The decision to write a book seems so monumental. And risky. 

“Yes,” they say. “I want to write a book, but…

• I’m afraid I don’t know if my idea is any good. 

• I’m afraid no one is going to want to read what I have to say.

• I’m worried I don’t have what it takes to write a book.

• I know I don’t know the first thing about writing a book, or organizing content, or publishing.”

What if you give yourself permission to try?

To learn everything you need to know along the way?

To invest in your dream with your time, energy, and money, knowing the compromises it takes are only for now and not forever?

Last week I asked you what you might find out if you took 10 minutes to ask yourself: What if I had permission to ____?

Did you try it? What came up for you?

I’m curious: is giving yourself permission something you struggle with? If you’re so inclined to share your answer, contact me!